Dear my J:

It’s been a while since I posted. Because we’re always deeply connected in our universe, to share about almost everything we have spent together or not. Though I was struggling with your TMI at the beginning, it’s become a part of my life. But when you become more of my life, I feel more fears stay somewhere deep in me. 

I didn’t know we will have this much heavy separation. I feel like a piece of me is missing when we’re not together. I never imagined I would find someone who I would want to spend so much time with. I thought marriage is irrelevant to my entire life, it maybe because of my family situation or my dreams to follow, until I met you. When I see you, I see the future – in black and white, from clear to blurry.

It’s my first time to doubt my choice and logic, and have to accept reality the plan really changed as you told me. I didn’t choose to move back to Korea, and I give up my art course. Instead of the life in Korea, I chose the life staying with you. I still have full of questions about this choice, but at least I know the reason is that I really love you. 

More I love you, I get fear snowball rolling in my head. And this is the biggest emotional baggage I carry for long time. I thought everything will be good once I can find a next goal when I feel behind in life. But I still feel lost in the middle of nowhere. I can feel I lost control about jealousy, insecurity, and tolerance. And all of these fears come from uncertainties. 

Even so… I really miss you right now. I know some issues just pop up in your head suddenly and fade away as time goes by. I hope these uncertainties will get their own colours one day, and to shine our future. 

Love and hugs,

Anna